Lettuce Pray

I was raised by a father who taught me to believe that the greatest truth we will learn when we get to heaven is that lettuce is fattening. Makes sense to me. Every time someone attempts to make healthier choices in their life, they order the salad, and yet they never seem to lose weight. I managed to get through most of my life avoiding green, leafy vegetables with the exception of my pregnancies because for some unexplainable reason, I tended to crave vegetables only when I was pregnant. (I also craved the smell of laundry detergent and Smarties, but that has nothing to do with this story...)

Imagine my deep concern when over the past couple of weeks I have craved salads. Under normal circumstances that might mean a mayonnaise-based salad like potato or macaroni, but there was no denying that I was craving a salad of the lettuce variety. Panic set in as I thought of the only times I have ever craved veggies, but my fear was quickly abated when I remembered that there was no way on God's green earth that I could be pregnant. Matter settled. I embraced the thought that perhaps my quest to deal with my health and weight led to this desire for rabbit food.

When my husband suggested a date night (after 30 years of marriage, "date night" consists of being in the same car together after the sun goes down), I suggested a local diner that has the best chef salad in the area. He agreed because he could get breakfast, lunch, or dinner there, anytime of the day or night. Prior to this romantic dinner (accompanied by our youngest son who still lives at home) we opted to make a stop at TJ Maxx. This was HUGE for my anti-shopping husband, but he needed new white shirts so if the stop was for him, he would endure.

There was only one potentially fatal mistake with this plan, and we discovered it as soon as we stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. Golden Corral was on the other end of the parking lot. We were in buffet country. This is every fat girl's dream and every reforming fat girl's nightmare, but at this point it was too late. My husband and son suddenly became too hungry to drive two miles to the other restaurant and after all (they convinced me), there was salad on the buffet. Salad at a buffet?! What a waste of great plate space!

But I relented. I want to take walks that have meaning to my life. What better walk to make than across that big parking lot to face one of my biggest nemeses (yes, I checked the plural spelling): uncontrolled amounts of hot and ready food. It had to be done.

So after power walking TJ Maxx (it is a bit mind-boggling how fast my power walk can be when I have to shop in a hurry) and a dash across that big parking lot, I loaded my plate with all of the healthiest elements of a salad, praying all the time that my father was wrong and that lettuce was really okay. I will admit to a bit of straying among the mac & cheese and meatloaf selections, but it was all kept in check, and there was nary a moment spent at the dessert bar.

The triumph was celebrated by parking at the far end of the parking lot of our next enchanting stop: Walmart. We really know how to party. Walk on...