Looking at this from a poundage standpoint, I essentially have to lose 140 of those suckers to put me at what I consider a healthy weight for a muscular me (although insurance guidelines say I have about 200 pounds to lose and that just ain't gonna happen). When you put 140 pounds into more visual terms, that's like losing the equivalent of either two supermodels, one average teenager, or twenty newborn babies. Somehow I can't see duct-taping twenty newborns to a skinny person and getting my body, but that's how it plays out.
When an anorexic looks in the mirror, this is what she sees:
To a non-delusional person, this would seem ridiculous. I think it's obvious that I'm delusional. I used to call myself a reverse anorexic until I Googled to see if that was an actual disorder and it turns out, according to the indisputable medical expertise of Wikipedia, it is a very real condition and I don't meet the criteria. (I also diagnosed myself as being partially bulimic - I binge, but I don't purge.) The disparity between Britney and myself is a bit skewed, but suffice it to say, I have a twisted perception of how "big" of an issue I really have.
Basically what it boils down to is that I have truly come to discover that I have an eating disorder, no less severe than Amy Winehouse (they wanna make me go to rehab but I say no, no, no), but more along the lines of Oprah Winfrey (although no one gets a car). To tell someone like me I just need to eat less is like telling an anorexic they just need to eat more, or a bulemic that they just need to hold it in. It's a bit more complex than that. But at the same time, there's no point in making it any more difficult than it needs to be.
I wish it were that easy.
I totally get this Julie! I see myself in the mirror all the time and think.. "Man I look pretty good for a chunky." Then I will see a picture of myself and think, "Holey Moley! I thought I looked so cute in that outfit!" I love all of your posts. They totally crack me up. Thanks for being so real. It's always been my very favorite thing about you!
ReplyDeleteKudos to you, Julie, for sharing this with us. It's a raging battle every woman has. (Well, almost every woman.) Whether it's 10 lbs. or 100, it's still a battle. Don't give up. You will do it! And my advice is to find a zumba class and take it. You will have a BLAST and burn lots of calories in the process. Take care! You are wonderful!
ReplyDeleteBecki's mom :)
Hi, Julie. (I met you at Morgan's wedding - I'm Bryce's aunt) Morgan said in her latest "gratitude" text that she's grateful for a funny mom, and mentioned your blog. Because I think a lot of Morgan (she's awesome!), I knew that it would be fun to read the blog. I was not disappointed! I read them all in one sitting! Thanks for the fun read! I also can really relate to a lot of what you are saying. When I look in the mirror, I think that I look "alright" or even "good". Then, when I see myself in a photo, I'm disgusted about how fat and ugly I look. I'm the person that needs to lose 20 pounds (and have done so many times), but just can't seem to stay at that "perfect" weight. As I head out again - for the umteenth time - to reach that weight and stay there, I'll be following your blog. It will undoubtedly inspire me, and will also give me a good laugh in the process! Thanks!
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