Fat Mom/Skinny Mom

Back in the day when Roseanne Barr was still funny (and that was a LONG time ago so some of you may have to Google it), I watched a stand-up routine she did where she talked about the benefits of having a fat mom versus a skinny mom. To paraphrase, she asked what kind of a mom you want when you're depressed - a skinny mom who invites you to join them on a run so that it will release adrenaline in your blood and relieve your stress, or a fat mom who says, "Well, lets have pudding, Oreos and marshmallows. When you wake up from that sugar coma, it'll be a brand new week." I speak from experience that Oreos work every time.

That said, it's the sugar comas that are forcing me to rethink my parenting style. I do believe that the skinny mom solution does have it's place, but I HATE running (plus the whole knee issue). The challenge, as always, is to find the balance, and possibly an alternative adrenaline-inducing activity that doesn't involve running. Thanks to my youngest daughter's mini-crisis this past week, I was able to try out a new "trying-to-be-less-of-a-fat-mom" approach by combining elements of both philosophies.

A couple of days ago, I got a phone call from my adorable, happy, outgoing, hard-working, self-sufficient, incredibly bright daughter (these adjectives easily describe both of my daughters on earth, but I'm talking about the one who worked so hard this year we got five W2s for her). She was clearly upset by some events of the week that hadn't turned out the way she expected (hmmm...like mother, like daughter...) and it was causing her to rethink her entire life as opposed to just addressing the issues at hand (hmmm...like mother, like daughter...).

My gut reaction was to panic because the entire state of Utah lies between us and I could not do what I wanted to do most - give her a hug and some chocolate. So I ate a few (and I'm sincere when I say "a few") milk chocolate almonds on her behalf and talked her into taking a much needed nap before making any big decisions (she works full-time, goes to school while paying for all of it herself, and almost completely supports herself, so a nap seemed way more helpful than a run...).

I don't remember what life was like before cell phones and I don't ever want to go back to that time because at the very least, she was able to call me while I was at work and we got to electronically talk it out a little. That said, no amount of phone talking, texting, Facebooking, or even Skyping can compensate for some face-to-face time so I was grateful when my husband agreed that we needed to make a quick trip up there.

As I've mentioned before, my emotions have a tendency to get the best of me (something I hope and pray is tempered a bit in my children) and food is my coping mechanism, but I managed to make it through the night drowning my anxiety in some baked tortilla chips with salsa and about six pieces of fruit. Now that's progress.

Thanks to the blessing of flight benefits, we were able to jump on our trusty steed (disguised as a regional jet) and meet her for dinner the next night. We had hoped to talk things out on a long walk afterward so that I could incorporate this trip into the goal of my blog, but if you've ever been to Cache Valley in January, long walks outside are not optimum if you don't want to freeze-burn your lungs. So we talked at the restaurant where I took care to substitute my usual side selection of butter-with-a-little-baked-potato for the steamed veggies and a salad with dressing on the side. Admittedly, there was an onion blossom involved, and while I tried to avoid it entirely, I did allow myself a few bites. Baby steps.

We did discuss the possibility of "cleaning the sink" at Angie's, a local favorite (this involves two bananas, six mounds of ice cream, three different toppings, whipped cream, nuts, cherries, and a bumper sticker if you eat the whole thing) but in a show of utmost restraint (so I thought), we opted instead to just get some Aggie Blue Mint ice cream at the grocery store and take it back to the hotel.

This was all well and good until I finished the small bowl that my daughter dished out for me. This was not ice cream...this was nothing short of crack cocaine for someone who can't remember the last time she had REAL ice cream, not the fake stuff on a stick that has 100 calories or less. Thankfully, my daughter was paying attention when I grabbed the carton and started eating it right from the source. In a moment I'm not proud of, she pried the half-gallon from my cold, stiff grip while yelling, "No, Mom! Not one last cigarette!" That broke the spell.

It was then that I did the unthinkable. I drew from the playbook of the skinny mom and suggested we go to the fitness center before we hit the biggest indoor pool in Logan, conveniently located at the Holiday Inn Express (you're welcome, HIE). My daughter, who has been running regularly, was all for it and had brought her workout clothes. I hadn't packed mine because we were originally going to go for a walk and all I needed for that was my street clothes and walking shoes. This is where being a fearless fatty comes in handy because I just put on my swimsuit, my swimsuit cover-up and my walking shoes with footie socks and headed to the fitness center.

Thankfully, it was directly across the hall from our room, so I avoided subjecting the general public to that visual. Unfortunately, I was not so lucky, because the fitness center sports a wall of mirrors making it virtually impossible to avoid looking at reality. And reality at my age and weight is pretty intense in a wall-length mirror. But we did it. She ran on the treadmill (I was super impressed) while I did my best on the elliptical (in the absence of a bike). She booked through two miles but I had to stop occasionally for sips of water from the fountain because I was overheating from the cover-up I had on and I was not fearless enough to lose the cover-up and do this in just my swimsuit. Beaches and swimming pools, yes. Ellipticals with shoes and socks, no. It was a decent workout, with a BIG finish in the oh-so-awesome swimming pool where I completely forgot I even had knees. I had to admit, skinny moms do have a point.

In the end, there was a moderate adoption of both philosophies - a little bit of fried food, ice cream and chocolate, and a little bit of adrenaline-inducing exercise. Add to that a good night's sleep and a father's blessing for my daughter and we're both ready to face a new week.

There may be something to this moderation thing.