Sabotage

"The future is scary. You can't just keep running back to the past because it's familiar."

(My daughter's Facebook status, no doubt gleaned from Pinterest, and spot-on for what I'm experiencing.)

Just a quick affirmation that I am, indeed, alive. However, I have not been living an inspirational existence and therefore I have not blogged. When I have any measure of success with weight loss, I have a tendency to frantically sabotage myself so that I can get back to my comfort zone, and that is pretty much what I have been busy doing.

Losing weight, while something I desire very much for my health and for my travel comfort, is really quite frightening for me. My weight is such a "big" part of who I am that I get incredibly uncomfortable moving forward beyond a certain point. In this case, people were starting to notice my weight loss through my face, I could see that my neck skin was getting saggier (gross...thought I'd be hot and sexy, not saggy...) and I received stellar lab results for my blood sugar and cholesterol. All the good news freaked me out, so how did I handle it? I sabotaged myself with whatever holiday/event I could use as an excuse, in this case - Easter. Ah, the pagan chocolate eggs and the (not-related-to-Easter-but-a-favorite) Cheetos. Make those ChEAtos. All thoughts of moderation flew out the window and I have successfully (unsuccessfully?) put myself back closer to where I started.

Like the quote at the top says - the future is scary! What if I make all of these sacrifices and my life is no better than it is right now? Having a saggier neck didn't make me happier. I know on "The Biggest Loser" everyone talks about how meaningless their lives are being heavy and they think all of their problems will be solved when they lose weight. And then it doesn't really happen and a good percentage of them gain back all of the weight they lost because the way they lost it was completely unrealistic (yeah, I HATE that show!). While my life certainly isn't sunshine and roses (unlike almost everyone else on Facebook and Pinterest, it would seem) I do know that all of my problems are NOT going to be solved simply because I am healthier. But I don't REALLY know that, because that's the future. And it's scary. What if I'm uglier and unhealthier? It could happen...

I do know that I can't keep running back to the past just because it's familiar. I also know that making such huge changes and adopting new habits is incredibly difficult for this old dog, but new tricks are definitely in order and they are doable, even at my age. I'm not sure if I thought writing a blog would negate all of the previous experiences of trying to achieve this goal of mine, but blogging is a new trick and I'm going to work it to my full advantage.

The new plan - stop reading inspirational quotes on Pinterest about flat stomachs and rock-hard muscles and get back to making better food choices. I'm lightening my commitment load until I can get this back under control so that I can get into the gym again, and the thing I am most excited about at this point is the purchase of a new bike for me yesterday. Hopefully this one fits better and will leave my tailbone intact. I also made another purchase online that I'll write about after I actually get it and try it out. 

New tricks? Woof! This "bitch" is back!